Lessons in catharsis #3

The multi-purpose role of the PR person
1. To take the scanty information obtained from the sales people, coupled with the urgency and uncertainty of the client and compile it into something of a brief for the designer
2. To live up to the undocumented expectation of the clients who have been wined, dined and entertained by the sales people
3. To compensate for, and attempt to disguise the administrative ineptitude of the sales people
4. To overcome the crappy attitude of the designer, the unreasonable expectation of the client and deliver first class artwork that will sell the product while the sales people are preoccupied with the wining and dining of more clients
5. Think around and compensate for all readings and interpretations of the brief by the designer, including not reading and not following it.

Lessons in catharsis #2

The working definitions of the designer:
1. The ability to take the elements of a CI, splash in some colour and a different font and call it art
2. Are synonymous with a crappy attitude
3. Consider themselves exempt from sense and accountability, in so much as they believe the brief has been adhered to
4. Does not communicate in media such as words. This would include things such as telephone calls and emails. Rather unfortunate if you don’t work in the same office space

Lessons in catharsis #1

The unspoken functions of the sales person:
1. To wine, dine and entertain potential clients
2. To beg administrative futility and ineptitude
3. To use the very common gift of the gab and pass it off as an occupational skill
4. To be able to claim such benefits as entertainment allowances, exorbitant telephone bills and travel expenses for the apparent purpose of point one, while actually only really achieving points two and three.

Bogey Wonderland

Toddlers cry for many reasons: hunger, tiredness, pain, or to deliver an opinion with impact, among many. Toddlers are also notorious for behaviour commonly referred to, in some circles, as tantrums. Scientists have yet to identify a primal need fulfilment associated with, or caused by, tantrums. Psychologists have raised numerous hypotheses, opinions and suggested coping mechanisms for the emotionally draining experience of the aforementioned state of being. After bearing only one child, who has reached the ripe old age of 19 months, I can say with confidence that I have discovered the physiological reason behind the Throwing of the Tantrum.

Toddlers, without the rather acquired skill of nose-blowing, coupled with the tendency to force obstacles up into, as opposed to out of the nasal cavity, require a reasonable force with which to rid the nose of boogers that multiply on a par with household bacteria. Enter the opportunity to rinse the nose with salt, tears and excess mucus, while break dancing hysterically on the floor. Never in my life have I seen bigger boogers emerge from my daughter’s very cute, but oh-so mucky, nostrils as after a championship Throwing of the Tantrum. And never in my life have I been faced with so daunting a task as the clearing of the child’s nostrils. It generally requires both parents, a cotton bud, reams of tissues and one hell of a fight before the parents retreat from the task tail-between-legs and the toddler is left in a crumpled, tantrummed mess on the floor. On closer inspection, there is something more to the scene though: the willing exit of the offending booger, moving in and out of the nostril in time to the child’s breathing. One wipe... and one clean nose.

While the information contained herein is based on no scientific evidence, and completely on lay observation, I do hope that it will, in some way, give hope to the parents who fight day-in and day-out to perform the mandatory duties such as nose cleaning and nail cutting. And, to those at the end of their tether, perhaps there is a reason behind the tantrum, that serves everyone...

IN VICTORIA’S EMPIRE...

Everything makes sense
There are no rules, except Victoriansims
There is no religion, except Victorianism
M&Ms are part of an essential diet
Curtsys are allowed

On Marriage

AKA wedlock (rhymes with headlock)
Why is it, when a happily-living-together couple is blessed with the news of a third life entering the equation, the ever-so sensitive topic of marriage has to enter the fray?
The ring: my absolute favourite! The close-up Hollywood scene of eligible bachelor kneeling down with little box in hand, slowly opening to reveal multiple-carated ring to the gasp of soon-to-be fiancé…what is that? Is the size of the ring over compensation for little man syndrome?
The dress: favoured by traditionalists and dreamt about by girls from knee-height onwards, oh the white dress? Come on? In this day and age? Let’s all get over ourselves.
The handover: from father to be husband, does she really need male guardianship for her entire life?
The definition of self in relation the man: why is it that so many women take such exuberant happiness out of being Mrs. so & so?
** Note: these are not entirely rhetorical questions; if someone out there really does have one or more of the answers, I would love to be enlightened.